


i was in love a long time ago

by astraluji



Series: caffeine & reflections [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet?, College!AU, Fluff, M/M, Soonhoon - Freeform, college!soonhoon, jihoon's side of the story, kinda angst, strangers to friends to ?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 06:15:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18543979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astraluji/pseuds/astraluji
Summary: Jihoon was one to remember everything that happened between him and Soonyoung.





	i was in love a long time ago

Jihoon’s heart was beating out of time; he was nervous. His phone lights up with a text from his ex-boyfriend. _Ji, I needed… I had to go. I’m sorry, I really am._

 

Seungcheol was not one to be firm around Jihoon, but he figured it was time to let go. Jihoon could openly admit that things started to go wrong. Brave enough, he decided that it was time; he needed to move away from Seungcheol. Figuring out that it was the only way to rid of all the pain bottled up inside. It was not practical to travel five thousand miles away because of a breakup.

 

Seungkwan, Jihoon’s best friend, answers his call on the second ring, “Jihoon?”

 

“Is it practical to leave the country because of Cheol?” Seungkwan sounded puzzled, asking Jihoon to repeat his question. “Are you drunk, Jihoon?”

 

“No,” Jihoon defended, “answer the question.”

 

“Yes,” Seungkwan says pointedly.

 

Quickly hanging up the phone after being satisfied with Seungkwan’s verdict. It was precisely what Jihoon had to hear; he already knew that it was a dumb move and needed that extra support. Jihoon runs down the stairs; clearing his throat, he tells his mother that he wanted to take up his college in America, and runs back up to his room. His mother knocks on his door and helps him pick a flight and apartments he could rent. Either way, Jihoon had all the paperwork he needed to up his college education in America. After minutes of skimming through information, his mom settles with letting him fly to Los Angeles. With a promise that Jihoon would come back to Korea every winter and summer recess.

 

Jihoon’s dad is the CEO of a popular entertainment. He helped Jihoon apply as an intern in various entertainments, and they granted him a spot with an ultimatum that he needed to finish college first. Having a dad who was prominent in the music industry; Jihoon was given piano lessons, hours and hours of sitting in with producers and learning about music production. Additionally, Jihoon had to learn basic English to help him in composing songs. Being driven by the thoughts of what ifs, Jihoon took advanced English courses. He used his extensive knowledge of the language and joined school debates which helped sharpened his vocabulary, sentence constructions and tenses.

 

Jihoon sighs as he lays down on the edge of his bed. Deleting his messages with Seungcheol in all social media platforms he can think of, yet looking through their photos before discarding them one by one. Recalling what happened in those days, Jihoon noticed how they both fell out of love after three years.

 

It has been said that not all high school relationships end in marriage. Jihoon was always up and ready to fight the odds, but maybe it wasn’t for him and Seungcheol. They matured differently and saw the world in different colours.  

 

Diverting his attention instead of focusing on the clenching of his chest, Jihoon stood up to search the guest room if they had a big luggage lying around. It was for his recording equipment, laptop, and his clothes. He comes back to his room with two luggages and a backpack; almost forgetting that he had to bubble wrap the pieces of equipment. Smiling when he realises he was done with everything; other than the laptop which he was just going to shove in his backpack.

 

☾

 

Jihoon arrives at the airport. Oddly, there weren’t a lot of people. He carries the luggages to the check-in counter, leaving him with his backpack. Arriving three hours early, Jihoon chooses to look around the Duty-free stores. He paces back and forth through the aisles in Gucci; eyes fixated on a couple of shirts, but he didn’t purchase any of them.

 

He walks through the airport finding the terminal waiting area. Settling down on a couch; he takes his headphones out, playing r&b tunes. Half an hour before the flight, Jihoon begins to rush with anxiety. Everything is starting to sink in.

 

“Hey,” he hears faintly from in front of him. Jihoon looks up and removes his headphones. The boy in front of him had his bangs combed down; he wonders if this doesn’t bother him as he lets the strands cover his left eye. Jihoon would have brushed his fringe to the side if he had that type of haircut.

 

Coincidentally, Jihoon stumbles upon the person who happens to be his seatmate on the plane.  He stayed silent trying to piece it out.

 

“Kwon Soonyoung,” the boy says with a reserved tone.

 

“Lee Jihoon,” Jihoon shakes Soonyoung’s hand.

 

“Can you speak English?” Jihoon inquires. Soonyoung nods in response. “Soooo…” Jihoon tries to open another conversation or topic, in that case.

 

They continued talking until they found their seats in the plane. Trying to keep a conversation despite needing to whisper so they won’t bother the other passengers.

 

Jihoon liked observing, and it dawned on him that Soonyoung eyes had a “sparkle” in it. His smile was awkwardly painted across his face, but Jihoon found it endearing. Without a doubt, he felt comfortable around Soonyoung; it didn’t take long for him to start telling Soonyoung stories about himself and his family. His heart was slowly falling the moment Soonyoung’s eyes glistened with inspiration.

 

Noticing that they had fourteen hours to kill, Jihoon suggests they watch a movie in the screen mounted in the seats in front of them. Jihoon wanted to watch together; instead, they watched the same movie in separate screens. Counting one to three, and pressing the play button after three. It was either Soonyoung or Jihoon who would end up falling asleep midway; they would laugh hysterically about it once they talk about the movie during meal times.

 

“No! They met and then,” Soonyoung pauses.

 

“You fell asleep!” Jihoon rolls his eyes and laughs.

 

“Okay, you got me.” Soonyoung looks at Jihoon with a sarcastic face of defeat, and Jihoon gladly laughs about it before choosing another movie.

 

Hours and hours of the same routine they never seemed to get tired of, they finally land in LAX. Falling in line to get to the point of entry made Jihoon feel weary.

 

Soonyoung made it out three minutes after he did. “Wanna grab something to eat?” Jihoon asks when he sees that Starbucks was the only cafe in the airport.

 

Jihoon carries his luggage to an empty table just near the pickup counter. He suggests to Soonyoung that he would bring his bag by the table as well so he wouldn’t have to drag it along with him in line.

 

Soonyoung walked back after a few minutes, standing by the counter waiting for their order. After a minute or two, the girl by the pick up counter calls him as “Sun-yong” Jihoon holds his laughter. Their doughnuts were warmed up, just how Jihoon liked it. Soonyoung explained to Jihoon that he had the choice whether he wanted it served cold or warm, and he apologises hoping he didn’t ruin Jihoon’s day by ordering it wrongly. “Soonyoung didn’t even know about that,” Jihoon smiled to himself. “It’s okay,” He says warmly.

 

They continue talking as if they weren’t together for the past sixteen hours. Somehow, Jihoon could see that Soonyoung was heavy-eyed and consistently yawning. Jihoon makes a move and says that they should head to their apartments to get some rest; Soonyoung agrees, and they exchange social media since they didn’t have a cell phone plan yet.

 

Jihoon hurriedly grabs a taxi outside the airport after Soonyoung left. He wanted to make sure Soonyoung got in his ride before he does.

 

Soft ballad filled Jihoon’s apartment. Lying down on his bed, immersed in the sweet song playing; his eyes shut, and forearm raised as his fingers move mid-air patterned to the piano keys in the song. Jihoon feels the need to sleep at seven in the evening, right after a thirty-minute call with his father.

 

He spends the morning searching up museums and university campus tours, the noon filling up college applications and calling Soonyoung from time to time to ask for help, and spends the night finding for games to play on his laptop while listening to pop songs. Soonyoung and him planned on meeting at coffee shops to finalise their college applications before going to museums.

 

Then spring came. Flowers blossomed along with Jihoon’s affection for Soonyoung. He finds himself in a museum with Soonyoung. He remembers everything vividly as his eyes fixated on Soonyoung. Remembering how Seungcheol used to admire the paintings, and how he would pace the halls expressing comments of amazement. Soonyoung had the same trait; he was a reflection of who he once loved, but that was a long time ago—twenty-eight days ago.

 

“Picasso,” Jihoon and Soonyoung utter; reading the description label. “Jinx!” Soonyoung exclaimed, “you owe me a soda.” Jihoon knew the rules; he was not supposed to speak unless he gets that soda, the problem was… There wasn’t any vending machine, and the nearest fast-food chain was a ten-minute walk away.

 

“Jihoon, what do you think of this painting?” Jihoon remains silent; responding through nods, and facial expressions. “Come on, you can always tell me your thoughts, Jihoon. I won’t judge you,” Soonyoung mocks.

 

Soonyoung grabs Jihoon’s forearm, and they walk to the restaurant chain. Soonyoung orders a meal for both of them. “I got us lunch, and you can pay me two dollars for this drink,” he taps his fingers on the cup, “and you can speak.” Jihoon didn’t hesitate and handed over the two dollars.

 

“Hey,” His voice sounded hoarse from not talking for almost an hour.

 

Jihoon takes back what he said. Soonyoung was far from just a reflection of Seungcheol; he was different. He knew how to make Jihoon smile and laugh. Jihoon knew that the moments they share every day would not be reminisced by Soonyoung nor would he even think about it the next morning. It was something Jihoon was more than willing to treasure.

 

They took a bus ride back. Jihoon lets Soonyoung take the window seat as an excuse to gaze at him. He thought about how great his days were now that he crossed paths with Soonyoung; Jihoon expected to spend his days at his apartment and to have friends only when he enters university. “I’ll go this way now,” Jihoon points to the right, “I enjoyed today, thank you.”

 

“Nope, thank you!” Soonyoung grins, waving to Jihoon as they part ways.

 

Jihoon detoured around the block and walks to the coffee shop near Soonyoung’s place. He wanted to make sure Soonyoung makes it home safe. Leaving when Soonyoung enters the building.

 

It has been four months since they met—four months since Jihoon knew he was falling for Soonyoung. It was only empirical; they shared moments that almost felt as if they were together. Jihoon wanted to make things different, he spent his day watching movie trailers, and he decided to purchase tickets to see the new Marvel movie tomorrow night. Jihoon goes out to grab an iced americano and to pick up his mail. He gasps in surprise to see that he got accepted in all five colleges. Receiving the letters that day stirred a plan; he would place Soonyoung’s ticket in one of his admission letters.

 

Starting his morning by calling his parents who were up late at night, elated by Jihoon getting into all colleges he applied to. He treats himself with bought breakfast; he leaves his phone on his bed and uses his laptop to go through his social media. Jihoon’s phone was left on silent, seeing that Soonyoung left a voicemail two hours ago: _Jihoon, come over_. Jihoon gets up and places Soonyoung’s ticket in the hidden pocket of his jean jacket; he knew it would be easy to get it from there.

 

Jihoon stands in Soonyoung’s doorstep for five minutes before knocking. Everything was making him nervous. Soonyoung opens the door and exclaims, “I did it!” Jihoon points to both of them; correcting Soonyoung, “Nope, we did it.” Jihoon wanted to hug Soonyoung, who didn’t know whether to hug him or high five him. Jihoon chose a high five, or he would not let go of Soonyoung.

 

“Can I see your letters?” Soonyoung kindly hands them over. He opens one letter and looks up at Soonyoung who was staring at the window; Jihoon takes the ticket and slides it in the middle fold of the letter before placing it back in the envelope. Jihoon was shaking, and he didn’t know how to continue his plan, “You know what would be great?” Jihoon says blankly; waiting for Soonyoung to react. Soonyoung faces Jihoon, taking the envelopes with confusion in his eyes. Jihoon was sure that Soonyoung didn’t know if he would say “what?” or wait for Jihoon to continue what he was going to say. Jihoon stares at Soonyoung, “If the university gave us free tickets to see the new Marvel movie.”

 

He didn’t take Soonyoung as someone gullible, but he almost fell for it. “Shut up,” Soonyoung’s eyebrows raised, and his jaw dropped. _That was cute_ , Jihoon laughed quietly. “I placed it there!” he reveals. Soonyoung was silent; probably dumbfounded. Jihoon had to mouth a “thank you” to hear it from the taller boy.

 

“Two weeks before uni,” Jihoon sighs while unlocking the door. The movie was great, he thought. He puckers his lips thinking of what he could do; creating an “aha!” moment when he unzips his luggage. Jihoon spent the rest of the night setting up his recording equipment. It has been a while since he produced a song. The last song he composed was titled, What Kind of Future; the song was reminiscent of his and Seungcheol’s first breakup. “We were happy about us. You, who isn’t with me anymore,” Jihoon hums while looking through his folder of lyrics. That breakup brought Jihoon into a stage of gloom. Their second breakup was the last straw, and now he’s in California. Jihoon is happy now; he got into college and had to choose one out of five choices; he has a best friend who he is also crushing on. Overall, he is beyond grateful he decided to move to Los Angeles.

 

Soonyoung knocks on his door on a sunny afternoon; bringing espressos for both of them. “You want to play Undertale, again?” Jihoon asks. Soonyoung gazes at Jihoon’s desk, “you have those,” he points at the equipment, “and you never told me?” Soonyoung passes Jihoon and walks towards it. Jihoon locks the door before approaching Soonyoung.

 

“Teach me how!” Soonyoung grins.

 

“Yeah, sure.” They spend hours on hours recording Soonyoung’s made up rap. Today, Soonyoung rapped about the pork cutlet he bought for their lunch. The next day, he rapped about the different types of coffee. The day after, he sang soulfully about college starting in a week.

 

“Why don’t you have a stage name yet?” Soonyoung asks a spaced out Jihoon.

 

“I don’t.”  

 

“Well, I’m going to think of one,” Soonyoung declaimed.

 

For the past few days, Jihoon wanted to know more about Soonyoung. More than what he already knew. Jihoon saw Soonyoung as calm (most of the time), and he is pretty observant. Jihoon points out that once someone gets to know him and becomes close with him, Soonyoung reveals that he laughs loudly, and he wanted his thoughts to be heard. Jihoon coped with this easily; he liked the boy. He looked forward to “unlocking” more hues of Soonyoung’s personality.

 

Soonyoung continues to stare at a distance; Jihoon interrupts, “You can’t think of anything.”

 

“False, I’m going to be called ‘Hoshi’” Soonyoung’s face was painted with the notion of pride and “take that.”

 

Jihoon has been pondering over a name for years now. He has thought of ‘Woozi.’ His dad would usually call him as “Our Jihoon” but in Korean. Compressing that phrase derived the name, Woozi.

 

“You need an alias,” Soonyoung challenged. “Maybe I do,” Jihoon wonders if he should say ‘Woozi.’ It has been a while since he mentioned it to anyone. He pretends to think deeply of a name.

 

“I used to call myself as Woozi,” Jihoon looks at the drink in his hand, “Does it sound cheesy?” Soonyoung shakes his head, “not at all.” Jihoon starts to tell Soonyoung why he thought of that name, and for a second, Soonyoung called it cheesy. It did, in fact, have an “adorable” backstory to it—Soonyoung’s words

 

Orange leaves gracefully fall to the ground; dancing along to the wind. Jihoon opens his window; a cup of coffee in hand, and the cold wind welcoming itself in the room. He puts down the empty cup on the window ledge and fixes his collar. Jihoon realises that school was going to start in five minutes and rushes to grab his bag. He strolls around the block and spots Soonyoung leaving Starbucks. Jihoon walks quickly to catch up to Soonyoung, “Hoshi.” Being startled from Jihoon, Soonyoung dares Jihoon to get him a new cup of coffee if he happened to drop it. Jihoon utters “Hoshi” multiple times trying to give Soonyoung an unpleasant morning, but it doesn’t work. He stays silent as they walk to their building and they go their separate ways when Jihoon sees his classroom.

 

Jihoon’s first class was intriguing. They were instructed to compose a chorus of a song, and sing it in front. It was his turn; he faces his classmates with confidence, “Happiness is only a word. It’s just a dream that everyone wants, but that doesn’t make sense. I don’t even wanna believe that. I just want it simple, simple.” Jihoon is thankful he was able to get back on track of producing if it wasn’t for Soonyoung’s impromptu recording sessions.

 

Sitting on the floor of an empty classroom, Jihoon’s phone pings with a text from Soonyoung. _Jihoonie~_.

 

_What do you need, Soonyoung?_

 

 _You sound mad, Jihoonie_. Jihoon’s heart skips a beat, typing a response. _I’m not, Soonie~._

 

A laugh escapes his lips; another text appears. _Can we please have dinner out?_

 

 _I’m busy tonight._ Jihoon jokes around, but he is also terrified it might sound wrong.

 

 _You’re not. You’re sitting on a floor right now, you fool. If it were urgent, you would be in your apartment by now._ Was Soonyoung mad? _I’m kidding. Come on, let’s have Korean food~_ He wasn’t. Jihoon gazes at Soonyoung who is standing outside.

 

The ambience of the restaurant was dim, it smelled like kimchi, and they spoke in Korean. They missed it, it was a night that felt like coming back home. Jihoon told Soonyoung to get anything he wants since he would be paying.

 

“No way!” Soonyoung exclaims, making a Lee Jihoon blush. “Yes, I mean it. Get anything you want.”

 

Soonyoung tells Jihoon about his day, and Jihoon is all ears. He liked when Soonyoung smiles a lot whenever he is telling a story; Soonyoung’s face lights up, and he smiles with his eyes. Jihoon never thought he was capable of loving again; getting over Seungcheol was difficult, but replacing those past memories with a happier and better one was worth flying five thousand miles away.

 

Jihoon started to get upset when him and Soonyoung got busy because of college. He still continued through his day; created music, made new friends, passed all his classes. Through experiences, he grew to understand the necessary distances. It did not bother him a lot except missing Soonyoung. Jihoon types in long messages for Soonyoung every day just to discard it; not wanting Soonyoung to know about his feelings. It ends up becoming a dull “good morning” or a “hey!” without any context.

 

“Hey, Jihoon!” he missed Soonyoung’s voice.

 

“Do you want to go out and grab coffee?” Soonyoung tells Jihoon to wait for him. Jihoon got the hint that he might buy a cup of coffee and bring it to his place. After a few minutes, Soonyoung knocks on his door; carrying two cups of coffee and his favourite smile. “What time is it?” Soonyoung asks as he sees the clock on the desk. Jihoon still answered Soonyoung. “It’s ten o’clock,” Jihoon pauses, “stay the night? I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was this late, and you still came over—”

 

“It’s alright. I don’t mind.” Letting out all his frustrations, Jihoon sighs heavily. Soonyoung expressed a look that he was upset for Jihoon; he places his hand on Jihoon’s shoulder. “It’s going to be okay.” Soonyoung’s hand was strong but reassuring. He continued to let Jihoon tell him everything; every doubt, everything that was bothering him. Soonyoung wanted to be of help, and Jihoon needed that. Needing to finish his project, Jihoon turns his chair to face his desk. “Goodnight, Soonie.”

 

It was twelve o’clock in the morning. Jihoon grabs his keys; glancing at a sleeping Soonyoung, he carefully closes the door. He goes to the convenience store across the street. Jihoon looks around, and he spots a Starbucks instant coffee, and he takes it to the counter. After two more hours, Jihoon finally finished the project.

 

The sun was barely up, and Jihoon decided to get up. He wanted to clear his desk before Soonyoung sees the scraps of papers that had “Hoshi” written on then with a doodle of a hamster beside it. He can’t blame himself for liking Soonyoung too much; it kept him sane.

 

Jihoon is standing in front of the mirror; fixing his tie. He chuckles when he sees Soonyoung suddenly sitting up. “Good morning, Soonie! You have no class today?” Soonyoung shakes his head. “Lock the door when you leave,” he eyes Soonyoung through the mirror, “let’s meet during my lunch.”

 

Hours in school went fast for Jihoon, or he was that stoked to be with Soonyoung. Although they were going to meet for only an hour, Jihoon brushes this thought since they were still going to spend Friday night together. Jihoon’s phone lights up with a message from Soonyoung. _Thanks for letting me stay :)_

 

_You’re more than welcome. I’ll see you in a few, Soonie._

 

“Soonyoung likes me,” Jihoon thinks to himself. It was just like yesterday when he flew to California to forget the pain his ex-boyfriend caused him. He sat on that plane, not knowing that the boy beside him was going to be the same boy he foresees in his future. Jihoon could not say that his assumption was right, but he definitely knew. Soonyoung changed, in a good way. When he first met Soonyoung, he was reserved; he was quiet and barely knew how to start a conversation. As days go by, Soonyoung starts to open up, and he stuttered every time he wanted to tell Jihoon something that involved deep feelings. He can vividly remember how Soonyoung kept a safe distance from him.

 

Jihoon nods, acknowledging Soonyoung’s thoughts and putting them into consideration. He listens keenly and understands Soonyoung’s stance about a “debate” surrounding his class. It was one in the afternoon, Jihoon should be back from his quick lunch. “I’m twenty minutes late to my next class. I’m sorry! I have to go,” he runs quickly. Jihoon was lucky the fast-food chain was only across from the university campus.

 

Counting down the hours made time move slower for Jihoon. Tapping his pen on the table while reading a book, sighing loudly hoping it would make the professor ask him to stay outside. He was hopeless; he wants to go to Soonyoung. If time went by slowly, he wanted to spend that with Kwon Soonyoung. It meant more time with him.

 

It dawned on him that Soonyoung was reaching a specific deadline. Jihoon can’t pinpoint what it was exactly. He saw that Soonyoung was done with his online courses, yet the semester isn’t for another few months. Jihoon wanted more time with Soonyoung if it was possible. Jihoon looks over his laptop screen and scans YouTube for new movies. A movie was just released— _Star Wars_.

 

Jihoon devises a plan on how he was going to take Soonyoung out to watch a movie tonight since he wasn’t used to changing plans last minute. Jihoon goes on his contacts and calls Soonyoung, “Hey, Soonie.”

 

“Yes, Jihoon? What’s up?”

 

“We won’t be able to watch a movie at my place tonight,” Jihoon tried his best to sound upset and sarcastic. Fidgeting in his seat while he waits got a response. “Oh it’s fine,” Soonyoung’s voice sounded cheerful; he was okay with it?

 

Jihoon breathes sharply, “because we are going to the cinema tonight! Meet me at the bus station.”

 

He stands close to the bench that served as a waiting area. His eyes glance towards the schedule posted; the bus would arrive at three minutes. Jihoon was getting nervous; he didn’t want to leave Soonyoung behind. Two minutes left… And Soonyoung arrives. The bus also arrives precisely as posted. Jihoon grabs Soonyoung’s hand; intertwining their fingers. “I’ll take the aisle seat,” Jihoon mutters softly. Soonyoung looks out the window and Jihoon didn’t know what to do other than gaze at Soonyoung. He knew precisely that Soonyoung could see him; he was hoping he could take a hint. Soonyoung faces forward, and he holds Jihoon’s hand. Jihoon could see in peripheral how Soonyoung’s face slowly turned red.

 

They arrive at the theatres. Soonyoung hasn’t let go of Jihoon’s hand until they decided to get some snacks. Jihoon gladly pays for whatever Soonyoung got: a large popcorn, sour patch kids, and an icee. Jihoon offers to hold the popcorn since Soonyoung didn’t think of putting the chewy candy in his pocket and carried them all in his arms. Soonyoung and Jihoon settle down in their seats; they are enveloped in silence until people started to fill the cinema. The lights are closed, and at the same time, the trailers rolled. Jihoon saw Soonyoung staring at him after two or three trailers, and there were usually eleven. Jihoon did not want to control his expressions, he decides to show his different hues to Soonyoung.

 

Jihoon leans his head on Soonyoung’s shoulder. In his defence, he was getting a little sleepy. Soonyoung didn’t seem to care and carded his fingers in Jihoon’s hair. He can feel that his ears were getting warm; his feelings of admiration were too bottled up. Jihoon heard Soonyoung’s faint laugh when his fingers brushed up against his ear. “Ha ha,” the smaller boy laughs sarcastically. They focus on the movie, and Jihoon lightly smiles about what happened. It has been in him not to forget things so quickly. Until today, he remembers how Soonyoung teased him when he was “jinxed” and couldn’t speak. He still remembers when they first met at the airport, and how he developed a crush on Soonyoung for being the cutest boy he laid eyes on.

 

The movie ended, and Jihoon takes a handful of the remaining popcorn Soonyoung had. “You should finish what you bought,” Jihoon grins. Soonyoung looks down and laughs. They exit the cinema, and the halls were packed. Jihoon and Soonyoung take their time looking at the movie posters. Jihoon counts on his fingers the movies he plans on seeing next time. Pacing the halls like it wasn’t getting late, they take their time talking and joking around as if they won’t be heading to Jihoon’s place in a while.

 

Jihoon told Soonyoung that they could take their time walking to the bus stop; knowing that the buses no longer pass and they would be taking an uber. Soonyoung grasps Jihoon’s forearm and brings him to the nearest Starbucks. “Get me an iced americano, Soonie,” Jihoon mutters, and Soonyoung signals with a thumbs up. Jihoon takes his drink between his hands, feeling the coldness through the cup. Remembering that he booked a ride, he holds his phone in one hand. His phone pings with a notification that their ride is already outside.

 

Soonyoung didn’t utter a word as they rode; he looked out the window, sipping his coffee occasionally. The sound of jazz calmed Jihoon from his thoughts, but it also made him think about holding Soonyoung’s hand for the third time tonight. He didn’t want to make a sudden approach of holding his hand. Instead, he brushes his fingertips on Soonyoung’s hand. Soonyoung gasps and Jihoon looks over. They meet eye to eye, Jihoon rushes with adrenaline; his heart starts to beat out of time. Soonyoung places his drink in the cup holder of the car and puts his hands on either side of Jihoon’s face. Soonyoung’s hand was cold, so cold. His lips were warm as it pressed on Jihoon’s lips. Jihoon shuts his eyes and allowed himself to wallow in that moment. They broke apart and continued their unfinished silence from earlier. Six minutes more and they’re in Jihoon’s place. “Sorry,” Soonyoung admits.

 

Jihoon and Soonyoung lay on his bed. It was a long night. Jihoon smiles at Soonyoung, but the latter was busy looking at his phone. “Do you want to play Undertale?” Jihoon sighs as he gets his laptop from his bag. “Why not?” Soonyoung smiles weakly at Jihoon. Jihoon purposely forgets that he was working on completing a true pacifist route to hear Soonyoung bickering at him for killing the dummies and fighting monsters. Soonyoung probably got tired of telling Jihoon what to do, and they both end up watching videos on YouTube. Jihoon’s arms wrap around Soonyoung as the taller boy rests his head on Jihoon’s shoulder. To his surprise, Soonyoung was asleep. It was six in the morning, anyway.

 

Jihoon tries to sleep, but he can’t. He tries to recall the moments he had with Soonyoung for the past months. Thinking about what made Soonyoung kiss him, what made him vulnerable to Jihoon. Jihoon opens his eyes to see Soonyoung standing up, “why are you up?”

 

“I’ll sleep at my place.”

 

Jihoon comfortably lies down on his bed and falls to deep slumber. He dreams of Soonyoung. His mind repeating a mantra of “Kwon Soonyoung.” Everywhere he would look, it was Soonyoung.

 

Jihoon spends the weekend continuing the song he wrote during the first day of uni. Two hours in, and he already created the whole lyrics. He had to figure out a tune then revise the lyrics if needed. Inspiration flowed through him, Jihoon could be making a whole album now, but he decides to save some for another day.

 

A typical Monday greets Jihoon. Talking to his parents early in the morning because of timezones, making breakfast and filling the apartment with the scent of coffee, and choosing a business casual attire. His dad was one to pick what he wears; on Mondays, he would keep the promise—white long sleeves polo, a black tie, and fake glasses. His dad says this would make him look smarter and look more like the son of a CEO. Jihoon didn’t mind, it was only for Mondays. He would disagree with his dad if he had to wear it every day. Jihoon’s class isn’t in three hours, he had time to kill. He only had two classes that day, and he planned on taking some alone time to play League of Legends before meeting with Soonyoung.

 

He wonders if Soonyoung is doing well in his finals as he sits in class waiting for his turn to present a fifty-slide presentation about audio engineering. The bell rings, his presentation is moved on Wednesday since he didn’t have any class schedules for tomorrow.

 

Jihoon runs back to his apartment which was only three blocks away. Taking out his laptop from the bag and placing it on his desk; he rummages through his luggage to find his gaming keyboard, the Razer Nostromo. He wanted to either play League or watch anime, but he goes with the former. He enters a ranked draft pick to release his stress.

 

Days on end, Jihoon reminisces about Friday night. Soonyoung probably got drunk over caffeine… Or he did learn to accept that he loves Jihoon. As they know more about each other, Soonyoung slowly closes the space between them. He becomes comfortable with skinship unlike before.

 

Jihoon wins five ranked games out of seven. He had a good feeling about tonight, and he missed Soonyoung even more. He taps the microphone button on iMessage and sends Soonyoung a voice message.

 

“Want to drink tonight?”

 

Knowing he was going to stay at Soonyoung’s place made him smile. He takes six cans of beer from his fridge and places it in a paper bag. Jihoon puts on a cap and fixes his hoodie before leaving. He arrives at Soonyoung’s doorstep; smiling at Soonyoung who looked ecstatic to meet him even if he came unannounced.

 

They use Soonyoung’s laptop to watch videos. Jihoon wanted Soonyoung to listen to his favourite songs but in a subtle way. The taller boy seemed to enjoy it and would say “I like this song” from time to time. Jihoon glances at Soonyoung not quite enjoying his drink; he giggles and focuses back on the screen. Jihoon admits that he hates beer, but he wanted to be around Soonyoung. It was one of the worst excuses he made in his twenty years of existence. Jihoon’s sight starts to become hazy; he can barely see Soonyoung’s face, but he can see that the boy stood up. Coming back with a bottle of water, Jihoon takes it and sips. Being intoxicated, he had sheer annoyance flowing through him. Soonyoung waves his hand in front of him, and Jihoon’s response is to pull his forearm. Soonyoung falls on top of him; he smells like cheap cologne and alcohol. In a blink of an eye, Soonyoung stands up.

 

Soonyoung boots up Undertale and lets Jihoon continue his game. Jihoon knew what to do, he has played this game for more than five times. Jihoon cheers with joy that he finished the game, he sighs softly, “I love you.” Soonyoung didn’t seem to hear it; he presses his lips on Soonyoung’s. Jihoon doesn’t remember what happens next.

 

The sun greets Jihoon’s eyes, and he cracks his eyes open. It was seven in the morning; he stares lovingly at Soonyoung who is sleeping on the couch. Jihoon lowers the volume of his phone before choosing the playlist of pop songs. The sky was blue, clouds spread across the vast space. He sits on the window sill humming along to the songs playing. It was getting late, he thought. Jihoon spots the apartment keys on Soonyoung’s desk. He thought of buying breakfast for both of them; jogging to and from the IHOP five blocks away. Arriving back to the apartment; all tired, Jihoon eats his meal instead of waiting for Soonyoung to wake up. Five minutes later, he faces Soonyoung who looked like he just woke up.

 

“Have breakfast,” he tells Soonyoung. Soonyoung scratches his eyes with his sweater paws; Jihoon thought Soonyoung looked like a tiger for a second there. Jihoon faintly hears Soonyoung’s question, “...Move in together?” He shakes his head; _this isn’t happening_. “What?” Jihoon pauses, “Yes.” Was it too soon? Not really. Jihoon would let Soonyoung stay at his place and pay the rent for both of them.

 

Soonyoung stands at the side of the bed; staring at Jihoon. He was lost for words. Jihoon, who is busy using the laptop, looks up at Soonyoung; confusion evident in his eyes. Soonyoung hurriedly gets under the covers and sits beside Jihoon. Involuntarily, Jihoon wraps his arm around Soonyoung; his heart was beating fast. They stay in that position for the next three hours; Jihoon loved how he could admire Soonyoung closely. He can see himself longing for Soonyoung even if he was in denial; waiting for him to admit it, he did not mind if it meant waiting for months or years for Soonyoung to say those three words, I love you.

 

“Jihoon, I have classes today.” Soonyoung stands up and prepares. Jihoon holds Soonyoung’s hand carefully, “alright,” he sighs.

 

“Will you be here when I come back?” Soonyoung makes sure Jihoon doesn’t leave him hanging. “I won’t leave except if I would be grabbing lunch.” The taller boy chuckles as he plants a light kiss on Jihoon’s cheek.

 

Jihoon waits for Soonyoung to come back and opts to work on his online course. He fills the room with an upbeat tune of pop songs; singing along after going through ten slides, in which he has to go through a hundred slides for the lesson. He finishes in only four hours. Jihoon misses Soonyoung and decides to leave voicemails.

 

“Soonyoung, I saw this video of a husky talking, it was cute.”

 

“Kwon Soonyoung.”

 

“I played solitaire in between topics so I wouldn’t be bored. I think I can have a job as a very specific entertainer.”

 

Jihoon got a notion that Soonyoung was leaving soon. Sooner than he thought. These days, Soonyoung has been upset and would always get Jihoon’s attention and ends up backing out and not saying what he had in mind. Jihoon knew that Soonyoung asking them to move in together meant one thing: having the advantage of spending more time with him. Soonyoung wanted to move in to be with Jihoon for his last weeks in California. Jihoon deeply sighs at the thought of seeing Soonyoung leave, but some things probably aren’t for him. It was spending his future with him.

 

He takes a detour around Soonyoung’s block trying to conceal the pain he starts to feel. He buys bubble tea for both of them before heading to Soonyoung’s place. The door was unlocked; he opens it, enough to see where Soonyoung was. He was sitting on his desk; face buried in his hands. “Soonie?”

 

In a snap of a finger, Soonyoung looked cheerful. Jihoon knew that he was only masking everything so he would not ruin Jihoon’s mood. Jihoon was upset, he can tell anyone about that except for Soonyoung. He did not want to tell Soonyoung that he knows about it and he can feel it. Jihoon wanted to spoil Soonyoung by telling him that he revamped his apartment; new setup, Soonyoung’s side of the bed, his own bedside table. They are engulfed in silence, and Jihoon chooses to leave for the night. He did not want Soonyoung to be bothered; he wanted Soonyoung to have his time alone to think.

 

Twelve o’clock in the morning, he sees Soonyoung through the door viewer. Carrying a backpack and a luggage?

 

“Hoonie,” Soonyoung embraces Jihoon; he can feel tears. He cards his fingers through Soonyoung’s hair, “it’s going to be okay, I know.”

 

Soonyoung looks at him with uncertainty, “what do you mean?”

 

Nevermind.

 

“Nothing. Come on in.”

 

Jihoon tours Soonyoung around his place. Soonyoung took the right side of the bed; his bedside table had a thingamabob—Jihoon thought that maybe he would understand what it is supposed to be. Soonyoung smiles and admires it, “this is a lamp?” he says as he pulls the lamp switch, “oh! I was right.” Jihoon asks about Soonyoung’s apartment to find out that Jihoon paid the full amount for when Soonyoung leaves. “I’m paying rent for both of us,” Jihoon says as he sips on his tea. “You didn’t have to,” Soonyoung blushed.

 

With the lights closed, Soonyoung’s lamp filled the room with shadows that looked like stars and constellations. He thanks Jihoon and curls up beside him; head resting on the smaller boy’s chest.

 

☾

 

One year has passed since he crossed paths with Soonyoung. He clearly remembers everything from that day until their last two weeks; they moved in together. Jihoon thought it was magical even though he never heard Soonyoung utter those three words. He wonders if they crossed paths again, Soonyoung would tell him.

 

Jihoon enters the apartment; grinning widely since he passed all his finals and topped the class in some. He finds a note folded on his desk.

 

_Dear Jihoon,_

 

_Thank you for everything. It has been a year now, and I’m glad I got to spend it with you. You already knew this was going to happen, so no crying. I don’t remember giving any hints about leaving, but you knew me so well. You knew whenever I was upset and cheered me up. You knew when I was happy, and you do everything for me to stay happy until the day ended. I am always going to be proud of you; you made it into the dean’s list, and that is something big. Continue being yourself and being amazing._

 

_Anyway, I wish you all the best. I hope I get to see you soon if I go to California next summer, or you would be coming home to Korea._

 

_Love, Soonie._


End file.
